Conversation with Dr Denise Strothers

Conversation with Denise

1.    Lets start off with having you introduce yourself to our readers? Who would you say Denise is?

I am a wife, a mother, a sister, the daughter of a Pastor, a teacher, a preacher, an intercessor, an advocate, and a friend.  But at the very core of my soul, I am a worshipper.

(Dr Strothers leading worship)

(Dr Strothers preaching)

2.     Going back to the beginning of things, I remember when you were taking a jazz class because you wanted to expand your musicality. What makes music so integral to who are?

Growing up in the church, gospel music has always been my favorite music.  Even as a little girl I remember singing a gospel song in the talent contest.  I think I was in the second grade.  I taught two of my friends the background so that they could sing with me.  The song was Lord, Plant My Feet On Higher Ground.  Today, I love contemporary praise and worship music.  I had a cassette tape with all of Aretha Franklin’s song both gospel and R&B.  I would grab a brush for my microphone and practice almost every day.  I still know every lyric to every one of those songs.  I played that cassette tape until it popped. 

Hmm. It would be interesting hearing you perform an Aretha song. lol.

3.    As a younger version of yourself, when you had your musical dreams, is it what you’re doing now, or was it completely different?

It was completely different.  I wanted to be the next CeCe Winans.  At the time I didn’t understand the press and the drive it would take to produce on that level.  If I did it today it would be totally different because I know who I am, and I have a better understanding of how to work productively.

4.    You made your debut CD years ago. I’m sure it was hard work with finding/writing the songs, the studio time, the launch and all. In hindsight, do you think you would do anything different with the process?

Song title: Psalm 19 (A jazzy ballad)

Yes, I would do things differently with the process.  The majority of the songs were written for me.  I only wrote two of the songs and they were the ones that I feel I executed well.  The ones written for me did not fit my style.  I think that is very important.

Song title: Never been loved like this (written by Dr Strothers)

5.    Would you say you have had Sophomore Slump? Hahaha. I’m sure you intend to release more music. What would you say has been the one hold up to it?

I wouldn’t necessarily call it a Sophomore slump.  I just hadn’t focused on it yet.  My focus was on completing my bachelors and my life took off in a different direction.  The entire recording process is tedious, life consuming, and requires the support of others.  I didn’t think that I could successfully manage both.  Now, I can focus on music with my whole heart.  I’m ready for what it takes to press it through in prayer and in my spirit.  I’m taking voice lessons, writing new songs, and studying what my favorite artists are producing.  I’m really amazed what today’s praise and worship leaders have been able to produce. 

6.    How do you view the current music industry landscape? Make a CD vs make a single? And digital streaming, and music videos not generating revenue if the account isn’t monetized? So much new digital age issues.

I think it’s awesome especially for the Indie Artist.  I can’t remember the last time I bought a CD.  When I was distributing my CD to radio stations it was an enormous amount of work.  Today, all I would need to do is Dropbox it.  There are so many platforms out there that will allow you to receive payments for your music and videos. 

7.    What do you see your future new music being? What genre would you go with, and would it be artistically driven or ministry driven? Are the 2 mutually exclusive or not, in your opinion.

I would definitely do contemporary praise and worship.  I want to sing songs that would bring people into the presence of God.  But, it has to be artistically as well as ministry-driven.  You have to be yourself though, and not try to imitate or compare yourself to anyone else.

8.    Dr. Denise! Congratulations again on completing the journey. How does it feel when you see that title to your name? I know it has to be more than just being proud of the work invested.

Of course, it feels great!  I really enjoyed the journey.  I discovered things about myself that I didn’t know prior to going back to school.  I discovered that I could write well, and it was important to me that anything that I turned in was done well.  I finished my doctorate with a 4.0.  If anyone told me before going back to school that I could do that, I wouldn’t have believed them.  All of the Biblical principles that I learned over the years, God graced me to implement them.  Principles like excellence, timeliness, consistency, work, etc.  When I first started at Howard University in 1982, I had no clue how to operate in these principles.  Needless to say, I didn’t do well then.  I majored in Electrical Engineering as a freshman.  I struggled for three years until it became clear to me that I didn’t want to be an electrical engineer.  If I had to do it all over again, I would have switched my major to music. I just didn’t have the counsel or support needed to steer me in the right direction.

9.    Speaking of work invested, when you started your doctoral journey, what were the things that you had to struggle and deal with?

I did not score well in the English section of the ACT entrance exam.  In my first semester, I was in a remedial English class with young students who read on a Jr. High School level.  But this was the best thing for me.  My English Professor was a great teacher.  She thought it was essential to have us focus on the basics, and she drilled us over and over.  By the time the semester was over, I was assisting other students with their work and it increased my writing ability tremendously.

10. I don’t want to assume, so I’ll ask – why did you decide to become a doctor? What hope and expectation do you have of it?

I chose the doctorate program at Howard University School of Divinity because of the Church and Community track.  I had done extensive research in the area of sex trafficking while working on my B.S. and MDIV.  The idea of the church operating outside of its four walls appealed to me.  Most churches do excellent ministry, but the altar calls are empty.  We can’t wait for the hurting, and brokenhearted to come to us.  The church has to be involved in combatting this deadly enemy called Human Trafficking.  Children are being brutalized every day, and it’s happening right here in every city in America.  Honestly, I believe that the only way sex trafficking can be eradicated is if the church is at the forefront of this issue.  God is a God of justice and it is clear in the word of God that He absolutely hates injustice.  He has already given to the church his commission to go into all the world ministering to those that are bruised, brokenhearted, and in captivity.

But, truthfully, all of the work in sex trafficking could have been done without a doctorate.  Having these credentials is crucial for a woman operating in leadership especially in the church.  When I’m sitting at the table with community leaders, my credentials give me an opportunity to voice my opinion.  People want to know what I have to say or really what does the church have to say about it.  A woman in church leadership today has to have thick skin because she is subject to being dishonored by her own brothers and sisters.  I have found that those outside of the church are more accepting of women in leadership roles like Senior Pastor or Elder.  This is still a male dominated society and most men prefer to hear from other men especially on a subject like sex trafficking, pornography, and solicitation.

You raise an important point. Time and time again, we see pastors caught with their "pants down" - pornography and solicitation is indulged in by church members, so the church has to come out of the shadows to address sex trafficking. In regards to having the academic credentials so your voice has weight, you hit the nail on the head right there! There's a bunch of noisemakers around every corner these days. We need experts speaking.

11. You’re a wife, mother, minister, entrepreneur, etc.  Yet you were able to create time to attend school and get a doctorate degree.  What would you tell that “not so younger” professional toying with the idea of going back to school, yet thinking it is not possible?

Of course, it’s possible as long as they are willing to do the work.  Most people will consult their bank accounts before they consult God.  I prayed about it and heard God say yes.  What God authorizes he will make provision for it.  There is money out there through grants, scholarships, and loans but it will have to be sought out.  How bad do you want it will always be the question on the table.  One will have to answer that question with a plan to get them to the finish line.  God has already done his part.  Today, there are many universities who have created their curriculum for the working adult.  Classes are scheduled only one day a week, and credit is given for work and life experience. 

12. Your dissertation was about sex trafficking. Please do tell more about it.

My dissertation was titled Christian Men Speak Up for Sexually Exploited Women and Children.  I interviewed over 200 men in the Washington DC Metro area asking them of their opinion on sex trafficking in their city.  The survey results showed that most men are aware that the sexual exploitation of women and children is a major problem.  The project’s goal was to advise Christian men of their crucial role in changing cultural attitudes surrounding the sexual exploitation of women and children by addressing those who drive the demand for sex trafficking.  There is a lot of information on how to help young women and men to prevent themselves from being trafficked.  There is a lot of information on the characteristics of a trafficker or pimp.  However, there is almost no information on those who purchase the sex.  These are the real culprits of sex trafficking.  They are driving the demand for it and go through great lengths to remain anonymous.  Those that create the demand for sex traffickers to supply them with children and young girls for sex is the root cause of the issue. 

Sex Trafficking is a morality issue as well as a justice issue.  Our culture today is inundated with immorality.  I believe this is why the church and specifically Christian men have to be involved.  The church in past times have remained silent but we cannot afford to do so in this hour.  Although more and more churches are responding to the issues of sexual exploitation, the response must be one that is making a difference.  The task will be mobilizing men from going from awareness to action.  When one gentleman was approached on taking the Christian Men Speak Up survey, his response was that his wife was well informed about sex trafficking and should be the one responding since she is a woman implying that he did not need to be informed since he is male.  This is not an uncommon response since most men would typically think this is an issue better handled by women.  Since research shows that it is mostly men creating the demand for the trafficking of women and children, this has further been additionally challenging because the anti-sex trafficking movement has been primarily driven by female feminists, when most men prefer to listen to other men.  Solicitation is a crime in every State in the US except Nevada.  There are advocates who are fighting for the focus of the law to be on “the demand” or the behavior of the sex buyers and not on the women who are being forced or coerced into prostitution.  The Trafficking Victims Protection Act of 2000 (TVPA) is the originating and foundational text of the United States anti-trafficking legislation that established trafficking in persons as a federal crime.

Christian Men Speak Up for Sexually Exploited Women and Children explores why Christian men in the Washington DC Metropolitan Area should promote justice by equipping other men to protect rather than sexually exploit women and children.  It also explores Biblical truth about Christian men being involved in justice for the sexually exploited.  Principles exemplified in the Bible declares that God hates injustice and raises up prophets to speak to crimes such as contemporary sex trafficking.

Wow! You broke that down! You definitely are an authority in this area to inform and educate us. I applaud you.

13. What does the Average Joe need to know to not stay stuck in the mindset that sex trafficking is a problem out there that “those people” in that distant place deal with?

It is an issue that is right here in our country.  Atlanta is the number one city with the highest rate of sex trafficking victims.  Two major cities on the East Coast, Washington, D.C., and Baltimore City, have adjacent affluent suburban counties within miles of Baltimore and Montgomery Counties.  These are popular routes for sex trafficking.  Although there is little statistical data to produce the number of sex trafficking cases in the Baltimore and Montgomery Counties, domestic minor sex trafficking has been charged in nearly every county along the DC-Baltimore Corridor.  There is a significant amount of trafficking that occurs in the Washington D.C. and Baltimore City jurisdictions.  Both counties have substantial amounts of trafficking of domestic minors and adults through business operations such as Asian massage parlors.

14. You are very involved in your activist and support work on this. Is there a link you can share for people to support? And in what ways would you appreciate support from willing supporters?

There is one organization that I highly recommend.  They are out on the streets everyday searching for trafficking victims.  Courtney’s House was founded in 2008 by Tina Frundt.  A survivor of domestic sex trafficking herself, Tina is relentless in her fight to protect children from sexual exploitation and the devastation that comes from it.  Courtney’s House is the only anti-trafficking organization that is led by an African American.

I would appreciate support by being invited to come in and train congregations, institutions and organizations on the awareness of sex trafficking.

15. Would it be fair to say I see a book being birthed out of you some time, and hopefully soon?

Yes, I am turning my dissertation into a training manual for churches to become Hope Centers for men who exploit women and children.

16. Lets segue to your family life. Who is your family made of?

My husband and I have been married for 27 years.  We were friends for 10 years before we got married.  I can really say that I married my best friend.  We have two biological children (Kristian and Andrew) and several children that we have opened our home and hearts to live with us.  There are always kids in our house.  My son’s goddaughter has become the light of our house.  Kyla is three years old and we love her as if she were our very own.  She is funny and bossy.  She and her mother both live with us and have become our family.  Each of us is involved in music.  Kristian graduated from Howard with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree.  She is a phenomenal vocalist and praise leader.  Andrew plays several instruments and has an ear for producing music.  He now runs his own studio.  My husband is also a musician and a studio engineer.  Prayer is a significant foundation of our family.  God has blessed us tremendously and we believe the reason is so that we can help others.  I am blessed to support an orphanage in India which one day soon I plan to visit to meet Pastor Sanke Kumar and all the children he ministers to on a daily basis. (To support Pastor Sanke, here's his PayPal email - saicharentenalin@hotmail.com)

Kristian Lauren leading worship

(Andrew is a producer - Beats by Snow on YouTube)

17. How have you guys been maintaining, and carrying on with a semblance of normalcy with this whole pandemic mandatory stay-at-home?

We are keeping ourselves busy.  Keith and Kristian are working from home.  I’m busy creating music videos with the praise team.  Since we are unable to meet weekly, we still want praise and worship to go forth.  I’m also teaching the Adult Sunday school class online.  The Leadership Team meets via Zoom every Wednesday night.  We have the prayer calls and all other meetings that we attend online.  We might be busier than we were before the pandemic.

Dr Strothers teaching Adult Sunday School

18. We all seem to be discovering new project ventures because we’ve been forced to heavily rely on all the benefits of new media transmission. What new passion project, or passion indulgence have you discovered?

Since we are producing music videos of the praise team, I have been learning Final Cut Pro X which is a video editing software.  I want to make sure our videos are done excellently.  I am doing voice lessons one day a week.  I am also recording songs to get myself back in the habit.

That's awesome. That means you are going to come out of this quarantine with some new skills, content and material to launch you out in making an IMPACT!

19. Without getting political or even controversial (hahaha) what is your perspective on what we dealing with, and what encouragement and hope do you have for people overwhelmed with it all?

I can’t say COVID 19 is a plague from God as many tend to do when it’s something that can’t be explained.  I do believe that through this pandemic God is speaking to His church.  I think that God wants his people to wake up, get back to foundational behaviors like prayer and fasting, and intensify them! When we come through this pandemic, I believe the church will not be the same.  We will not go back to being slack, and so busy with activities that are nonproductive towards the fulfillment of his purpose and mission.  I think that there has been a changing of the guards during this season.  God is raising up new leaders that will keep his commandments and not forsake his ways.  These will be leaders who will not care about one’s color, pedigree, or sexual orientation.  They will stand in the marketplace next to the Muslim and Buddhist and represent Jesus Christ well.  They will minister to those in prison, the prostitute, the beggars, and the homeless inviting them to come and sit with them at the King’s table.  We must be about our Father’s business because time is winding up.  There will be many families that will need the church like never before.  All of those who have lost loved ones and have experienced the trauma of this virus will need hope that only God can give.

Right now, all we can do is obey the laws of the land and fervently pray for a solution and end to come soon.

A big AMEN to that!!

20. As an accomplished Reverend Doctor, it would only be appropriate for you to share some sage parting words for the readers.

I want people to know how much God loves them.  He is a present help even during this time of suffering.  Jesus taught us how to suffer and how to overcome difficult situations.  Weeping may endure for a night, but joy is coming.  He told us to count it all joy even while we are weeping.  I know that this is not easy when so many around us are mourning.  But joy is different from being happy.  I can be sad but still have the joy of the Lord.  Joy comes from God and is based upon what I know and believe about what God has promised.  I choose to believe in God’s faithfulness to do what He has promised.  We cannot lose our Joy or what we believe about God.  This time of suffering is temporary and not worthy to be compared to the glory of God that will be seen in us and through those of us who will endure to the end.

21. How do we connect with you on social media?

Denise Strothers on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube

Follow and Subscribe

22. Thank you for agreeing to being a guest

Thank you!

Conversation with Pastor H Lee Joyner Jr

In this edition of Conversation, I'm actually having it with my pastor.

Where do we start? We stay in touch almost every day , so it almost feels mechanical to dial it back and be “professional”. Lol. Okay, lets do this.

For folks reading this and being introduced to you, who would you say you are?

I’m a son, brother, husband, father, musician, photographer and pastor who is loved by and in love with Jesus

When you were a teenager/young man, what was your ambition or dream?

My ambition was to be a R-n-B, Gospel or Jazz musician and producer.

Looking back now, the trajectory of that young man's dream to where you are now, would you say it was destiny, the result of prayers of your father and mother, your own coming to yourself moment, a combination of all?

Not to sound super spiritual, but when I compare the dreams of my youth against my current reality I can truly say that I am where I am and who I am by God’s grace. I chalk it all up to God’s  sovereignty and providence. The means by which God orchestrated my life has been all the above, my ambition, gifts, parental guidance, great teachers and the wife of my youth. BUT, God gets all the glory.

Speaking of your father and mother, you are a “pk” (pastor’s kid). We all know of that alleged syndrome of being a PK. Were you affected by it?

By the time my parents were involved in pastoral ministry I was well into my teen years. I would assign most of my foolishness to self discovery as opposed to simply being a PK. I would also add that being a PK didn’t make my journey any easier because of the magnifying glass I/we lived under as well as unrealistic expectations.

In your riotous stage of living it up, what were you searching for?

I was searching for me, what my identity was separate from my parents'. My father was the pastor, not me. I wanted no parts of that, therefore I had no idea who I was as a person. My whole life/identity had been wrapped up, tied up and tangled up in church life.

You just said a mouthful right there! Just like you were in rebellion to search for your identity separate from what was overwhelmingly trying to define you, there are people where the culture, society, family, nationality, race, religion, etc has tried to define them, and they rebel……but unfortunately are consumed in their rebellious search……

How far did you go in attempting to live it up?

Drug usage, profanity and being promiscuous were my strongholds. It was  through God’s grace working in my life over a long period of time that I was able overcome.

Did you have a Prodigal Son moment of coming to yourself, or were you just organically transitioned onto the straight and narrow path?

I never  had the "Apostle Paul being knocked off his beast" moment. My experience was what I now identify as living under the “wrath of God”. Having that constant gnawing  in my soul that there has to be more to life than what I was experiencing. I was very dissatisfied with everything. Now I know that God was wooing me through my restlessness.

As far as the straight and narrow path, I grew up in a christian home and had always been familiar with it, and had appreciated it for the structure it gave. But being captured by God’s grace unlocked the meaning, beauty and glory to being on the straight and narrow path.

How long have you been a pastor now?

I’ve been in pastoral ministry for 20 years and a Lead Pastor for five years.

You are a man with a carnal nature; how did you process and handle the memories of the fun times of the good old days in the beginning of your transition onto the straight and narrow path? (I know we Christians like to masquerade around like the world never had any fun, and when we changed lanes, it was all glory and khumbaya)

To be brutally forthwith, I thoroughly enjoyed almost every moment of my sinful and youthful lifestyle while I was in it. Two things have to be considered though:

1.) My sin-filled days were mostly my youthful days. Much of the buffoonery I participated in as a young man, simply had no place in nor value to the mature man I was becoming. 

2.) God caused much of what was back there to betray me thereby removing any angst in me to re-live that life.

Now, every day I go to war with the sin that is in my life due the brokenness of humanity. Part of this is that in my flesh lives no good thing. The other part is warring against the gateways I knowingly and unknowingly opened.

 I am thankful and have great appreciation for Apostle Paul’s words in Romans 7:24-25a - “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

I know this next question is going to almost sound self indulgent, but what makes you different from the next passionate and anointed pastor down the street?

I have no idea. Someone else would need to answer this question, sorry.

I’m a man who has placed his highest affection upon Him who has infinite strength, infinite beauty , infinite joy and infinite love. My highest goal is to glorify God, walk in His joy and lead others into His joy. I am biblically formed. I understand the gospel, the beauty of the cross and the practical working of God’s grace in our lives.

The summary of the ministry of which I’m a steward can be found in 2 Corinthians 1:24 (ESV) where Paul says, “Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, for you stand firm in your faith.”

When you initially became my pastor, we once had a moment of conflict. Hahaha! I know I can be obstinate and opinionated. How did you over look that in still ministering to me?

I didn’t overlook it. I knew the very first moment you walked in the door that you were assigned to Impact DMV Church by our Sovereign Savior. Our conflict gave me clarity early on how you could be reached and cared for. PLUS I love you brother and that’s what love looks like.

Recently, I went through a relapse in depression and isolated myself. I maintained the façade of everything being fine, but I was isolating. Somehow you were inconveniently and annoyingly consistent in reaching out to me, until you pierced the façade I had thrown up. What made you committed in your persistence? You are not superhuman after all, but flesh and blood.

1.) I love deeply those whom God loves deeply, YOU! 

2.) By God’s grace I knew/know that God placed you with Impact DMV because your best chance of you being conformed to the image of His Son Jesus Christ is with us.  

3.) There was no way what you were saying to me about “being fine” was true. You had been too faithful and exuberant in God’s work to shrink back and be okay with it. I knew something was wrong.

In light of this, what would you say to passionate Christians who are reaching out in ministry, but the person they are reaching out to isn’t very welcoming of their advances?

If “God” has placed someone in your life to care for, encourage or to simply love on, unless God removes his grace to do so, NEVER GIVE UP ON THEM. There are way too many throw-way wounded  saints. True love NEVER fails.

Also, we have to be careful because God’s timing is everything. Many times church folks (we), out of our zeal, try to move people where we think they should be sooner than God is ready to take them there. That push frequently results is what we call “church hurts”. That constant pressure to “do”  without an overarching theme of what Christ has“done” results in shame and guilt in those we’re trying to help, and frustration in us. That is the perfect storm for a "church hurt." This is why 2 Corinthians 1:24 (ESV) is so important to me, “Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy…”.

I have been transparent with you. I know no other way of existence but being authentic in my living, both in the good, bad and ugly (sometimes to my detriment. Hahaha!). Why haven’t you been like traditional pastors and hopped onto something I unveil to you, and combat me with the word? I wont lie, sometimes I tried to bait you into a fight – keeping it real.

None of the acting out is ever the “real”. The issue is always simply believing the gospel. The double impartation of the gospel is this: He takes are filth and gives us His righteousness now , and we are made complete in Him. We have His shalom.

My job as a pastor is to help you think rightly about and see God clearly. Apostle Paul says in Colossians 1:21 that our alienation (which the gospel remedies) from God leads to rebellious thoughts that result in evil deeds. Too often we pastors start with the evil deeds as though moral behavior is the goal. Reconciliation to the Father is the goal… that is always going to be what drives me.

Overall, what would you advice pastors in today’s world having to minister to people dealing with 21^st Century issues?

Make the gospel paramount and not cultural issues! Know the gospel, believe the gospel for yourself, preach the gospel with authority and see God’s people through the eye of the gospel.

Where do you see yourself in 5 and 10 years?

Over the next 10 years “my goal” is to transition Impact DMV Church from a pattern of growth to a pattern of multiplication. We want to plant healthy gospel centered churches throughout the DMV and beyond for the praise and exhortation of God’s name ONLY! The implications of this are massive and will definitely require God’s grace and guidance in equipping leaders for this work.

Before I forget, how were you able to “give up” on your music career? I see you sometimes in church hopping on the keyboard during certain worship songs. So yeah, the bite of the music bug is in your system. How did you give up on it without feeling a sense of loss? Or is there some sense of loss?

I LOVE music and it will always play a part in my life and ministry. In terms of perspective though, I see music as a gift God used to keep me grounded in church till He captured my heart. Yes, I sing and play every now and then but it is no longer my primary ministry and I do not begrudge the transition from music to teaching/preaching.

I cant have an interview of you and not ask about your family. Care to make your boast in the family God has blessed you with?

I’m blessed to be married to the wife of my youth, Carmen Joyner, for 30 years! She is the mother of all my biological children; Demetrea Loren, Henry Lee-Michael III, and Caleb Isaiah. All actively involved at Impact DMV Church.

I also have a goddaughter, Shana Morrison, who has been a daughter to me since she was 8 years old. She and her husband John and my two beautiful grandchildren now reside in South Carolina and are actively involved in worship ministry at their church.

Last but not least, I am also blessed to have my parents and mentors, Bishop Henry and Carolyn Joyner, actively involved in the ministry!

Alright Pastor, we did this thing. Any parting words for the readers?

I would like to thank you my brother for this opportunity to introduce myself the your audience as well as the wonderful questions asked!

Connect with Pastor H Lee Joyner Jr on FACEBOOK

Connect with Impact DMV Church on FACEBOOK & INSTAGRAM. Send your questions or concerns, and come visit us.

Conversation with Dr A Michael Black

In this edition of Conversation, my guest is Dr A Michael Black, the Dean and Site Director of Lancaster Bible College, in the Greenbelt, MD campus location

From the brief biography on the campus website, you do have an extensive time in ministry. Was being in ministry always an aspiration of yours?

I felt a call on my life as a boy, but could not articulate it.  I pursued becoming an accountant and ended up selling shoes and life insurance.  After a short time pursuing my own interest, God placed the burden on my heart that I felt as boy to preach the gospel.  I answered the call and rededicated my life back to Christ Jesus and started preparation for ministry.

So you had a moment of “going out there” to do your own thing. How would you say you came back to yourself and answered the call on your life?

Like I said earlier, I had decided to be a salesman for an insurance company. Incidentally, some of my coworkers were believers, and would share the word with me, reminding me of what I already knew. One fateful day, as I was getting ready for work, I began rehearsing my life in my mind. I weighed in where I was, and where I should be, and it felt really empty. Alone in my apartment, I felt convicted, and got on my knees and rededicated my life back to Christ

That's great! So how did you eventually transition into the call to ministry? Was it an elaborate moment of epiphany, or as simple as a knowing awareness of what to do?

As stated, I recognized a call on my life to minister as a boy.  It was not an elaborate moment of epiphany, but a burden I could not escape.  After acknowledging the call to my pastor, John D. Bussey (Bethesda Baptist Church), God used my pastor to give me the next steps.

In a brief overview, especially for someone who may be in a similar situation, could you please share how your pastor guided you?

He asked me to elaborate on how I felt the call was on my life, and the only way I could explain it to him was it felt like a burden in me that kept calling me. So he asked us to set aside some time to pray about it. I think it was approximately 6 months. And during this time, I was actively functioning in service in the church. After the allotted time, we met up to see where my heart was. At this point, he suggested I further my education in the call, and be trained. I searched out the various options before me, and I chose Washington Bible College. Eventually my pastor offered an opportunity for me to preach on a Sunday. I initially turned it down because I felt I wasn’t ready, and he didn’t pressure me. When I finally felt I was ready, I informed him, and he gave me a platform to preach.

That sounds very encouraging. I pray most pastors would respond similarly, and be nurturing to individuals who feel called into the ministry.

So after earning your Bachelor of Arts degree, you pursued a Masters’ degree. What would you say was the zeal behind furthering your education, and how would you empathize that to the young man/woman reading this and rationalizing that a first degree is good enough?

I must tell you that after six months into my Bachelor of Arts Degree at Washington Bible College, I felt like there was so much more knowledge to obtain.  Therefore, furthering my education was not in question. It was a thirst for more knowledge and a desire to be equipped to minister the Word effectively.  I always encourage young people to continue beyond the first degree.  In today’s world a first degree is equivalent a high school diploma, in my opinion.

You are right, Dr Black, a first degree seems pretty commonplace today. 

In your academic pursuit, when did you know you had attained the degrees you needed? Is there a sense of knowing that one comes to when one has achieved their academic goal?

I have not attained the degrees I want.  However, I do have what is needed to serve in ministry.  With that said, I desire to have a PH.D, ED.D or D.MIN. The education process never ends.  I believe in continual education even if you are not able to pursue a degree.

Continual education! 

How many degrees do you have, and what would you list as your accomplishment academically speaking, if you don’t mind me asking?

I have two earned degrees along with doctoral studies and one honorary doctoral degree.

You have been in pastoral ministry in several churches. How would you explain the balance between getting a theological degree versus being a passionate and charismatic leader who speaks a language that seems to resonate with the people to create a following?

There once was a saying, “get the learning with the burning.”  I don’t want an oral surgeon working on my mouth who has not demonstrated the discipline of learning the skill. Therefore, it is imperative that leaders prepare themselves. I believe every preacher should have scholarship in their preaching.

You have 35 years in pastoral ministry, and have probably seen and experienced a lot. How different is it being a pastor now dealing with “new world” or modern day issues that we are all still trying to grasp our minds around and understand?

Are you actively pastoring a church now?

The world and its issues today are not different from the Garden of Eden.  What I mean is that the same sins and issues of life that existed since the biblical days are still prevalent.   The world is just doing it faster because of the modern technology. 

I believe pastors are called to give meaning, purpose, and direction to the total human journey.  I believe the pastors of the New Testament had the same call on their lives.

I do not pastor currently. Since becoming Dean and Site Director at Lancaster Bible College and Capital Seminary and Graduate School two years ago, I have served two churches while the pastor was on Sabbatical leave.

What words of wisdom would you share to the young graduate, excited to go out and dive into ministry?

A graduate should be excited to launch out into ministry.  Along with the excitement, seek God’s guidance and allow God to use you as His instrument.   Sometimes we lose focus and depend upon our skills and knowledge rather than God.

I’ve mentioned young enthusiasts, but we both know LBC is especially flexible for older professionals who are interested in pursuing undergraduate and graduate degrees. Can you please elaborate to readers who may think that opportunity has passed, how LBC can make their academic hopes a reality?

As stated earlier, I believe in continual education.  More and more adults are seeking career changes, pursing education after retirement and answering the call to prepare for ministry.  LBC provides opportunity for adults to make academic hopes a reality by catering to an adult population at several of our campuses.  The average age at our Washington DC campus in Greenbelt, Maryland is 47. 

  

Not taking into consideration that you are the Dean, why should someone explore LBC as a place for their academic pursuits?

A student will experience academic excellence and support of faculty and staff.  LBC|Capital offers the highest standard of Christ-Centered higher education that is recognized nationally.  This is an interesting fact, LBC tied for first place in the “Right Choice” category in The Wall StreetJournal’s College Rankings in 2019—meaning that when the media outlet surveyed our students, they agreed that LBC|Capital was the right choice for them and they’d choose LBC if they had to start over again.

Wow! That's very impressive and worth applauding! I definitely can attest that LBC has been very compatible with my adult life.

Are you open to outreach opportunities of orientation in the community regarding LBC? Who should potential entities reach out to in exploring this?

I am open to outreach opportunities in the community.  It is a strong belief that we should not only provide a solid education, but we should also touch the community with the Good News of the gospel.  I will be happy to talk with any entity about opportunities.

You are a family man, married for 34 years. What words of wisdom would you provide to a potential student, trying to come to terms with juggling the pressures of marriage, a professional career or ministry, and considering attending LBC?

I would encourage one to involve the family in the decision of attending school; particularly making sure everyone is supporting this important educational pursuit.  It is also important that one prioritizes tasks and remains focused on the major tasks.

Yes sir! That point cannot be overstated! Lord help me! Lol.

You have 3 children you’re obviously proud of. How did you avoid the “Pastor’s Kids” syndrome that seems to plague some families with parent’s in ministry?

Kenneth, I cannot say that I avoided the “PK” syndrome.  My children are not perfect, but they love the Lord with their heart, soul and mind.  I am proud of them.  I wish I had done more with them.

I'm sure your kids would say you did a very good job raising them.
What do you see yourself doing 5 or more years from now? Are there any goals you see yourself pursuing?

I see myself still serving LBC Capital in the next five years.  I want to be the best servant for Jesus wherever He places me.

Amen to that, Dr Black, amen to that indeed. 

It has been a pleasure having this “brief” conversation with you. Do you have any parting sage words for the readers?

Be Steadfast, Immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 15:58)

Thank you sir, it was an honor.

Likewise, Kenneth. Thank you 

Conversation with a Parent whose 12 yr Old Committed Suicide

This is one of those conversations that must be had. It isn't an easy one, but a necessary one. I hope it has a much needed impact and influence

Please tell the readers about your son JJ. From your perspective back then, what would you say you thought his life was like? 

My son was in the 7^th grade.  He was an honors student his whole life and part of the gate program.  He was heavily involved in school leadership and activities.  He was an avid video gamer and played youth soccer and baseball.  Most importantly he was a kind soul.  JJ would often give his own money to the homeless, volunteer to help someone if needed and always was the person who put a smile on your face if he saw you were down.  We never saw any signs of depression or being possibly suicidal.

Sounds like a regular kid. How old was he?

JJ was 12 years old when he took his life.  He was 3 weeks away from his 13^th birthday.

I know every parent considers their child a good kid and a kind soul. If it were possible, do you think there was an aspect of your kid you saw through rose colored lenses? (And I apologize if I sound like I’m implying you’re painting your kid as an angel, and he may not be)

Honestly no.  When he was born his nickname was Angel and he carried that through his life and now in heaven.  When he was in the 4^th or 5^th grade he actually talked a girl from taking her own life.  She spoke at his memorial and stated that he had saved her and she only wished he would have come to her so she could have done the same

Wow. That's sadly ironic.
Can you please describe how you found out he had committed suicide.

My wife, our 7 month old and our 16 year old son were at his Freshman baseball orientation.  After orientation we stopped to pick up some food for the family to take home.  While we were there our 16 year old son got a text from one of JJ’s friends that he told her he was going to take his own life.  We called home and asked my mother to check on him but his door was locked, and he didn’t answer.  We rushed home and I kicked the door in to find our son hanging from his door with a video game cord around his neck unresponsive.  My wife performed CPR for what seemed like 15 minutes before paramedics came.  When they came they got his heart beating but he was already brain dead.  We spent 3 days in the intensive care until we were finally able to donate his organs and let him rest in peace.

Wow. So he had shared his intention with his friends, and unfortunately none of them informed anyone?

He shared his intention with 1 friend 2 days before and at the time he took his life.  By the time she came to us that day it was already too late.  We actually are very close to his friend and their family now.  Problem is these kids are more worried about their friend being mad at them for saying something than losing them forever.  This is one of the issues we are working so hard to change.

Do you know why he did it?

He did not leave a note.  The only thing he told his friend was school and stuff but he had no known problems at school and was a straight A student and we don't know what stuff he was referring to.

When you had called home to contact your mom about JJ and his door was locked, and you had to rush home….how long was the drive home? Was there a feeling of impending dread in your stomach, like something wasn’t right, or did you try to stay optimistic and hopeful?

We were only 5 minutes away from home.  My wife said that when she hit the driveway she had a horrible feeling in her stomach, for me it was more surreal until she yelled for me to break down the door then reality set in.

In hindsight, what signs do you see that you missed? 

Through much research and training following his passing we did notice he was becoming increasingly angry or agitated.  At the time we chalked it up to hormones or just being a teenager but obviously it was so much more.  He also had once said you would be better off without me.  We also learned that he had told his friend he was thinking about killing himself 2 days before he did but they never reached out to anyone.

You raise some valuable points. “Idle comments” of kids may not be so idle. And kids should be encouraged to share any warning signals or concerns sooner than later.

I am a multiple suicide attempt survivor, and only once did I share with someone what I planned on doing. How do you think you would have reacted if JJ had pulled you aside to tell you he was being suicidal?

I wouldn’t have known what to do.  Our school district and the state of California in general were very behind and still are behind in suicide prevention awareness.  Obviously I would have done all that I could to save him but before becoming a suicide prevention nonprofit we wouldn’t have known as parents where to turn.

I can’t imagine what it is like to lose a son in such a way, and at such a tender age. Please describe how you processed such a loss.

I think we are still processing his loss.  It’s been 2 years and honestly it still seems like yesterday that he passed away.  I think we are dealing with his loss but focusing our attention on helping others and preventing further tragedy the best we can.  However we still break down and cry often especially after telling his story and speaking to groups of people.

How did each of your family members handle the grief?

My wife cries a lot.  She also goes to counseling.  Being the co-founder with me in our journey she focuses her attention on the kids and parents we speak to and often checks in on JJs friends to see how they are doing.

My mother and grandmother blamed themselves since they were home with him at the time.  They often ask what they could have done more.  They also go to counseling.

My now 18 year old son puts his time and energy into sports.  Him and JJ were the closest sharing a room and spending a lot of time together.  He wonders why JJ didn’t tell him.  He also gets counseling.

Our 8 year old daughter has become increasingly depressed.  She spent 2 weeks this year being treated after stating she also wanted to die.  It’s been hard but she gets regular counseling and seems to be ok now.

I’m sorry to hear that. This is a sensitive question to ask, so please bear with me. Does it seem like your 8 year old is suicidal, since she has stated it, and is going through depression? And as a parent who has lost a kid to this already, how do you treat her normally, yet not ignore the obvious?

She is definitely depressed but I wouldn’t classify her as suicidal.  After we took her in and she was kept for 3 days the doctors told us that the way she was expressing her sadness was that she wanted to be with her brother but because of her age didn’t fully understand that you cannot come back from suicide that it is permanent.  We definitely watch her closely and talk more openly as a family about how we are feeling and it seems to help her.  But with all our kids the idea that one of them might also take their lives has us on high alert all the time.  Its something we can’t ignore now no matter how hard we may want to try.

Obviously you may not know the answer to this, but how do you think JJ figured out how to take his life? I'm an adult, and I know it wasnt easy trying to find the most effective way to commit suicide.

The internet.  We found several searches on his tablet that were about suicide.  You can find anything online now a days. 

Of course, the internet. Sigh!

Please tell us about the foundation you created in JJ's memory

JJ’s Hello Foundation is a youth mental health and suicide prevention foundation.  We are a registered nonprofit tax id 81-2811004.  We have several programs including the “Can you hear me cards”, a monthly suicide survivors support group, an 8^th grade leadership award.  We also speak in the community at schools or to parents and students about the dangers of depression and suicidal thoughts.  Our goal is to end suicide and to promote positive youth mental health.  Our slogan is Starting the conversation of youth mental health.

Lately, the suicide rates have been getting higher and higher, and the ages getting younger and younger. I read about a 10 year old hanging himself. How has your foundation been able to have an impact?

I think our biggest impact has been raising awareness.  Most families choose to stay silent whether its due to shame or the stigmas surround mental health issues while our family has not.  By speaking openly and honestly about our tragedy we open people’s eyes.

What tell tale signs should parents be on the look out for regarding their kids?

Learn to recognize the warning signs of suicide:
Sense of hopelessness about the future; Drastic changes in behavior or personality; Uncharacteristic impulsiveness, recklessness or risk-taking; Expressions of rage, uncontrolled anger, aggressive behavior; Preoccupation with death, dying, or suicide through writing, talking or artwork; Giving away prized possessions; Loss of interest in personal appearance; Increased use of alcohol or drugs; Withdrawal from friends, family and/or society; Extreme anxiety or agitation, inability to sleep, or sleeping all the time; A recent severe stressor, such as real or anticipated loss of a relationship, unplanned pregnancy, the victim of bullying or family conflict; A previous suicide attempt or exposure to another's suicidal behavior; Verbal signs such: "I'm so tired, I don't feel like I can take this any longer", "I don't want to be a bother anymore", "I want you to know something, in case something happens to me"

Very great signs you point out. And how should parents respond if they suspect their children may be suicidal? In your opinion, what ways would be wrong and detrimental, and what would be more proactive ways to respond?

A parent should have an open dialogue about it.  Ask them directly.  If they are then treat the matter respectfully.  Explain to them that feeling depressed sad can be normal but sadness to the point of suicide they may need additional help.  Ask them what got them to this point and if it would be ok to talk to someone else a professional about how they are feeling.  Some teens may refuse help and at that point as a parent you must do whatever it takes to get them that help even if it means calling an authority to take them in.  Any mention of suicide is serious and no matter what cannot be ignored.

How do you think the conversation about mental health awareness, and addressing repressed pain can be brought up with a young child?

I think just like with adults having an open and honest conversation with them is the best way to address it.  Kids want to know that their feelings are validated and by having an honest conversation you are showing them that they don’t need to be ashamed of their feelings.

As an adult, how do you address mental health issues you may experience?

Before this happened I would have kept those feelings bottled up.  But I understand now talking about them is the best way to address them.  There are so many people going through the same things and feeling the same things and so many people willing to help.

It is unfortunate, but in 2018, some people still see going to therapy or seeing a counselor and talking about bottled up feelings as less than masculine, or being “soft”. How would you respond to such critics?

I would point out the countless celebrities and sports athletes that have come out recently and talked openly about getting help.  Kevin Love, Steph Curry and countless others are beginning the conversation to show even the strongest of us feel down or have anxiety or are suicidal at some point.  Its ok to not be ok.

How can readers support your foundation?

They can support our foundation in many ways.  Readers can visit our website www.hellofund.org, follow us on Facebook, twitter, Instagram and YouTube.  They can donate on our website, order “Can you hear me cards”.  Ultimately the best way to support us through word of mouth.  By telling people about what we do we cannot only continue to raise funding but save lives which is the most important.

Obviously, this suicide scourge that's sweeping through our society transcends belief systems, culture and religion. Are you open to being invited by organizations that transcend culture and religion?

Absolutely we are open to all walks and faiths.  If they are willing to listen we are as well.

Any parting words to share with the readers?

I would like to make sure everyone reading this understands that suicide does not discriminate.  Suicide and depression effect all walks of life, all races, all faiths, all economic groups.  The only way to truly end suicide is to create an open, honest world where we stand next to someone different from us and are willing to ask them how they are doing and do what it takes to help them if needed.  Our foundation works tirelessly each day to put an end to youth suicide., but we do need everyone’s help.  We run completely on funding from the public.  We have no corporate sponsors.  We do not pay anyone associated with our foundation everyone including my wife are 100% volunteer.  All money donated to the foundation goes back in the communities we serve to end suicide.

Thank you for your time, efforts, and for sharing the memory of JJ with us